She's Got This Toyboy
by Charlotte Wright
Summary: "I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear that I'm not good enough for you or that you don't want me. I'd rather you say nothing."
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! This is my first story since last year. It's rubbish, but let's blame that on the lack of beta and not my writing skill.

x

The pub was quiet tonight, save for the team and the odd punter here and there. Rachel Bailey sat at the back of the room, letting the noise consume her. She was sat between Janet and Mitch, but the only person who mattered stood at the bar, her new boyfriend looking over her adoringly.

"Rachel, are you even listening to me?" asked Janet, following her line of vision to her boss and friend of 20 years. She looked over Rachel in confusion.

"Do you fancy Chris Latham or something?"

She shook her head, "He's a bit scrawny for me."

Gill looked plain daft with him. She didn't think the age difference was a massive deal (she had done much worse). But his height compared with her's. His suits, clearly very cheap. His hair messy, probably on purpose. He just wasn't what she had envisioned her type to be.

She had imagined Gill with someone like Julie Dodson, equally as pristine and terrifying.

"Gill?" Asked Janet. Rachel looked up from her glass, eyebrows raised in false confusion.

"What about her?"

Janet smirked, "Don't act daft, Rach. You know what I'm asking you."

She turned to Mitch, and with ease, she found herself slipping into a comparatively mundane discussion on their most recent case. Fingerprints, witness statements, his opinion on who had killed the most recent victim; but she could see Janet in her peripheral watching over her. Thinking. Wondering if she had drawn the right conclusions.

Rachel was embarrassed to say that Janet had hit the nail right on the head, and she wanted nothing more than to move on immediately.

Gill Murray was unavailable. That was sketchy turf to find yourself on, because she seemed far from happy with Chris Latham, but Rachel knew she couldn't offer the woman much better. She was Rachel Bailey; dragged up from the streets of Middleton by two alcoholics, with her pushy sister, Alison, and Dominic, her brother, who was a black sheep in a family of black sheep.

Gill couldn't possibly want her.

Across the bar, Gill threw her head back in laughter. Whatever Chris had said, she wasn't actually listening, had caused Pete to chuckle and she knew she had better follow suit.

Gill couldn't take her eyes away from Rachel.

Her eyes were dark from a tough day at work and her dark hair tied back into a low ponytail. She didn't particularly care about her appearance, but that was what Gill loved about Rachel; how she was still absolutely beautiful in spite of the dark circles under her eyes and her frizzy hair.

She had started her second bottle of wine, and yet barely struggled in her heels. Gill watched as she walked past and out the door with a curt nod and a packet of cigarettes in hand. She dreaded to know how the poor girl's body was suffering from years of alcohol and tobacco abuse.

Rachel was an idiot, but not at all a bad person. She had her moments of being selfish and weeks of being reckless - but she was a fantastic police officer and friend. Gill knew that Rachel had it in her to be a great DCI one day and part of Gill could admit she was going crazy for the young woman too.

She wouldn't admit it aloud, mind you. But quietly, perhaps to Julie Dodson, she could say those words;

I love Rachel Bailey.

But she knew it was impossible to love someone as reckless as DC Rachel Bailey. She was a shagger. She was a drinker. She was a mess and she was her subordinate. Besides, Rachel looked up to her, was inspired by her. How on Earth could she let herself take advantage of Rachel like that? How could she love Rachel without questions from above; "Is that why you let her away with bloody murder? Is it because she's good in bed?"

She shook her head at her own vulgarity. No, she considered, they were both so much more discrete than that. Rachel had learned her lesson where relationships were concerned. The young woman must understand the importance of some privacy in relationships, and so, she trusted her to keep things quiet.

Fuck it, she thought. Pushing her chair back, she announced she was "dying for a fag" and left the bar in search of Rachel. She'd keep it simple. She wouldn't scare her off. There would be no talk of a date, instead, "would you like to go for drinks sometime?". They never just went out for drinks without Janet or the team, but Gill had realized how much she would love to be alone with Rachel Bailey. To cut past the bullshit and cut straight to the core of the young woman.

And then she saw her, stood in a cloud of smoke and relying on the wall of the pub to hold her up straight. She wasn't drunk, for Gill had seen drunk Rachel many a times and this wasn't it. But on top of the young woman's apparent fatigue, she assumed the wine had been enough to tip her over into total exhaustion.

She took a half-hearted drag of her cigarette, and dropping her arm to her side, she exhaled a puff of toxins into the air. Leaning against the wall for support she shut her eyes.

Gill couldn't comprehend how beautiful she was. Far from the most feminine of women she had ever met, Gill couldn't recall someone quite as breathtaking as her constable. Her piercing dark brown eyes, piles of equally dark waves; but mostly, the lines she could trace on her jawline. Her legs toned from running and her frame long and thin, Gill would almost mistake her for a woman of perfect health. Only she lived off of chocolate mousse, and she smoked and drank alcohol every single day, and sometimes (Janet said), she completely forwent any food in favor of "coffee and a fag".

So she wasn't perfect, but she was so incredibly intelligent (when she wasn't being an idiot) and so driven towards what she wanted. She was simply amazing and Gill wanted to tell her so. In the very least, to ask her to take her head out of her arse.

A punter smashed a glass, pulling Rachel from her rest. She jumped away from the wall and her eyes met Gill's.

"Hey, kid," Gill spoke, moving towards her. "Thought you'd fallen asleep on me."

"I didn't know you were there," she replied simply, the need for sleep evident in her voice. She extended the cigarette packet out towards Gill, then lit it for her as the older woman held it between her lips.

"Thanks. I wanted to speak to you about something, but it might be better if you're not so tired."

Rachel shook her head with a smile, "Nah. Don't worry about it, besides, I'm not likely to get much sleep anytime soon anyway."

"Is everything okay?" she asked, hardly bothering to remove the cigarette from her mouth. Rachel laughed sardonically, lighting another cigarette for herself and shrugged.

"I'm madly in love with someone, but they're unavailable and it's killing me a little."

Gill's heart dropped, "Oh Rachel, I'm sorry."

Panic flashed through Rachel's eyes, but Gill didn't know why. Could she be talking about her? No, why would Rachel Bailey be madly in love with her? For all she knew, she was straight.

"Do I know them?"

She nodded, "Very well. See, she's got this toyboy and she likes to show him off. But she's this great woman, small, but pretty scary."

"Rachel-"

"No, I don't want to hear it," she almost snapped. Gill narrowed her eyes.

"Hear what?"

"That it's inappropriate. That you love Chris. That you want to kick me down to directing motorway traffic. That you'll transfer me to Julie's syndicate or to a syndicate in the Scottish Highlands. Gill, I don't want to hear that I'm not good enough for you or that you don't want me. I'd rather you say nothing."

Gill couldn't help but laugh, "If you let me say what I wanted to-"

"Sorry," she mumbled, choking on her cigarette. Gill looked over her, amused.

"Rachel, would you like to go out for drinks sometime?"

x

Please review, thanks! CW x


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The following days dragged by until Friday had finally arrived and Rachel's date with Gill was only hours away. The day at work had been routine; Rachel was on time for the morning briefing by the skin of her teeth and had already washed down a cup of coffee by the time it was finished. Kevin made numerous jokes throughout, and Gill still didn't laugh, while Pete and Mitch sat together, making snide comments as often as they knew they would get away with. Whenever time allowed for it throughout the day, Janet had dragged Rachel to the toilets to run through all possible scenarios for tonight, ranging from Gill getting fed up of Rachel and leaving early, all the way to the pair snogging in some alley somewhere.

She was actually a little excited for her date with Gill. Rachel had always admired Gill, even when she was being a right cow, and even if nothing was to come of it - she was glad for the opportunity to spend some time alone with her boss.

However, there was still a niggling doubt at the back of her mind.

When she and Janet were out during the day, the older woman had turned to her at a red light. Her expression was no longer light and cheerful; she had turned serious.

"Rachel," she sighed "Do you know if Gill and Chris have broken up?"

She shrugged, "How should I know?"

"You're going on a date with her tonight," she said, as though it should have been obvious. "Haven't you asked yourself the question?"

She hadn't. She had assumed that it wasn't even that serious between Gill and Chris. As far as she knew, it was casual. They met up, they slept together and then parted ways. It wasn't that she couldn't imagine someone wanting to be in a relationship with Gill, but she had always got the impression that Gill wasn't interested in that.

But Gill would do that to her, she was better than that.

However much she wanted to believe that, she was consumed by an even stronger thought; Rachel really had no reason to trust Gill so unconditionally. God only knew how little trust Gill had in her. Besides, Janet had known her for over 20 years and even she had her doubts.

She shook herself off of it. It wasn't her problem, not really.

Pushing herself up from the sofa, she moved into the kitchen. She wasn't meeting Gill for another hour, and so she could use some of that time to try and settle her thoughts a little more. She grabbed the bottle of wine from the fridge and set it down on the counter with a satisfying clink.

_She'd only have one glass._

X

Gill Murray watched the bar's punters with a level of criticism only present in such a trained detective. The couple at the next table had a bottle of wine between them; the man in a fancy suit and the woman in a pretty dress. She looked so eager to dote on him, but his eyes were reserved only for his phone. Text messages came one after another until he finally put it on silent - work? Another woman? Gill couldn't be sure, but the man's partner eventually gave up and focused on her glass of wine.

Gill's own phone came to life with a text message.

_Just getting out the taxi. Be there soon. - _Rachel Bailey

She smiled and replaced the phone back into her bag. She opened their own bottle of wine and poured a small measure equally into their glasses. Tonight wasn't about getting hammered. Tonight was about getting to know Rachel and deciding if they wanted to pursue a relationship. Gill wanted to be sober while that happened, and unless it became unbearably awkward, Gill was happy to go easy on the wine tonight.

Just then, the woman in question arrived at the table with a stumble. Gill would have chuckled in return, but her attention was caught by Rachel and how beautiful she looked this evening (despite being a drink or two ahead of Gill already).

"Sit, please," she urged, pushing the glass towards her. Rachel complied after hanging her jacket over the back of the chair. She had on a simple black dress which fell just above her knees, and a light, silver pendant around her neck. Those beautiful dark brown waves were pinned behind her ears and her face was complimented by a light dusting of makeup.

"Rioja," she smiled, examining the label closely. Gill watched as Rachel's eyes strained at the small print on the bottle, watching over the young woman with her own smile. Rachel seemed to lose focus for a moment, lost in her own world. Gill brushed her hand against Rachel's with a laugh.

"You alright there, kid?"

"Oh," she said, startled. "Sorry, just thinking about something Janet said. This wine is great."

"It should be! It cost £25."

The date fell back on track quickly and in spite of herself, Gill started to have fun. Rachel asked her questions about growing up, telling her own stories of childhood in Middleton with her problematic parents and two odd siblings. She spoke of her father who, in spite of an abusive past and alcohol addiction, had been incredibly proud of her career with the police. She recalled finding his collection of newspaper clippings of whenever she was mentioned during a big case, through her voluntary work or when she ran a big race. But she spoke of it fondly. She loved her father in a way only Rachel Bailey could find a way to love an alcoholic who turned her life upside down.

This was the Rachel Bailey that she liked. She was vulnerable, human - she wasn't so full of shit like the DC she had to work with everyday. She adored her and she was sorry to say so. Adoring Rachel Bailey meant that she had a lot to reconsider.

"When did you lose your virginity?" Asked Rachel, words becoming increasingly slurred. Gill would have been shocked at such an odd question, but instead, she tried to find the answer in her mind.

"Oh God," she replied. "I was 14, maybe 15. Tommy Smith, I think. He was the year above me at school. Anyway, we shagged on his settee while his mum went grocery shopping."

"14! Gill Murray, you are a dark horse!" Rachel laughed, once more draining the last of her wine. She topped up both of their glasses before leaning back with a sigh.

"17. Sean McCartney. We'd been snogging for years beforehand and one night, it just happened."

Gill looked over her critically, "Did you seriously wait until you were 17?"

"Yes, I did! I'm catching up on lost time now though. I'm happy to say that I've shagged my way round most of Manchester."

"I don't doubt it, kid."

Rachel smiled and stood up, "I'm just going for a fag."

Gill let her eyes follow the young woman to the door. She truly was magnificent. Those legs of hers seems to go on forever and her hair seemed to fall so perfectly down her back.

She shook her head. This was Rachel Bailey, the woman who spends at least half her week with a hangover. This was the woman who was usually late for work, had a sharp tongue, few manners and a reputation for promiscuity. Rachel really wasn't her type. But then, why wouldn't attractive, intelligent and witty be her type? Rachel was absolutely brilliant, and she supposed all the defensiveness and her mean streak was a facade to cover the vulnerability and hurt she wouldn't dare show a soul.

A hand on her shoulder pulled her from her thoughts. As she turned sharply to identify it's source, she was met by Chris Latham's grinning face.

"Hi, Gill. Can I join you?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Rachel exhaled a heavy cloud of smoke, watching the streets of Manchester City Centre become suddenly very busy. A hen night entered the pub on the opposite side of the street, stumbling and laughing even though it was only 9.30.

Those were the nights Rachel once treasured.

The more drunk you were, the better, Alison said one night. It was in the shitty old pub round the corner from their home in Middleton, their only chance of getting served at 16. Rachel loved those nights. She loved becoming less and less conscious of the events of her life, focusing solely on the taste of sambuca or vodka or whatever everyone else was drinking that night. Sometimes she would end up vomiting in a drain somewhere, other times she was grateful to make it to the toilet before vomiting - for even in a drunken state, she truly hated making a mess.

But she was a regular drinker and most days felt at least a little hungover as she went about her business at work. She knew it worried Janet and disappointed Gill; but it was a habit she had just never grown out of.

But tonight was different.

She and Gill had certainly worked their way through a bottle or two of wine, but she no longer felt the same desire to get plastered. Instead, she wanted to listen to Gill speaking and she wanted to hear every word. She could feel herself tracing the lines of the older woman's face with her eyes and the Rioja was quickly forgotten.

She glanced back inside at Gill, her heart pounding in her chest for no reason she could quite place. It was when a tall, familiar looking bloke approached Gill and took over Rachel's seat that the pounding became unbearable and a heat passed over her in rage.

He placed his lips on hers, wrapping his arms around her waist. Gill made no effort to move away for a few moments until she eventually pulled back and caught Rachel's eye outside.

"He's here with some work mates," Gill tried when she eventually caught up with her at a nearby taxi rank. "I didn't invite him, Rachel. I-"

She raised her hand, "You don't have to explain, Gill. Janet warned me you might still be with him, I just didn't want to hear it."

"Rachel, I don't know what to say. I wanted to see if we had something before I broke it off with him."

She looked over Gill and knew she was telling the truth. But for once, she had enough of being someone people felt ashamed of. She adored Gill, truth be told. Finally, however, she knew there was little chance of it ever being reciprocated.

"Gill, I'm not going to be your bit on the side. I've been there before and it's shit," she replied. She was calm, without a trace of anger. But mostly, she was done. She was done with feeling inadequate. She almost, _almost, _gave Gill an ultimatum - she was dying to. Instead, she moved towards an available taxi, hand pulling her jacket closer to her body.

"You don't understand how much I enjoyed tonight. Thank you," Rachel smiled sadly and climbed into the cab, watching the older woman closely as the car pulled away. She didn't cry (no, not the infamous Gill Murray), but she looked deflated, like her energy had dissipated with one swift motion and all that was left was the core being.

This was why she wouldn't give her an ultimatum; Gill Murray was anything but deliberately spiteful. She hadn't meant to hurt Rachel, but in an attempt to protect herself, she ended up hurting Rachel anyway.

20 minutes had passed when she pulled up outside Janet's house, and with shaking hands, she handed the cash over to the driver and left the car. The minute it pulled away, she wished she could get back inside and just go home. She knew the blokes were in The Grapes; would their company be a safer bet? At least none of them knew of her date with Gill and so Kevin wasn't likely to tell her "I told you so, Bailey."

No. It would be much worse coming from Janet. She'd make her some tea and sit her at the kitchen table with her and Dorothy, where Janet would tell her she knew Gill and Chris hadn't broken up and Rachel had been warned, Dorothy would probably tell her that Gill was too good for Rachel and that she was better off with Chris.

The door swung open to reveal Janet, "Hey, Rach. Were you going to ring the doorbell or what?"

"Well," she said. "That depends."

"On what?"

"Are you going to say I told you so?"

Janet chuckled, "Course not, you silly bugger. Glass of wine?"

X

_Thank you for all the support. I've been really ill, so the chapters are a little smaller than usual. But nearly done this one! New S&B story coming soon!_


	4. Chapter 4

She's Got This Toyboy

**Chapter 4**

Rachel arrived at work the following morning in Janet's car having crashed on the settee the night before. She had needed some persuasion to talk about the date with Gill, but only 2 glasses of wine and an Indian takeaway later, Rachel was spilling every little detail of the night's event.

_"I mean, I went out for a cigarette! As far as I knew, the date was going well."_

Even Dorothy had been shocked from her seat in the corner. She thought the sun shone from Gill's arse, so to hear she seemed to side with Rachel made her smile for only a moment. Then she was reminded once more of her hurt and the victory had paled into insignificance.

In the carpark of Oldham Road Police Station, she watched as Janet killed the engine and looked over at her with that stupid look of pity she had become accustomed to over the years. Rachel merely shook her head in return. No, she wasn't going to be pitied. This was her fault and her fault alone - she should have known Gill was still smitten with stupid Chris Latham. Still, didn't mean she wasn't hurting like a bugger.

"Don't do that, Jan. Let's just get on with the day."

Janet sighed, "Rachel, it's okay to be upset."

"I should have expected it, she's too good for me," she shrugged, grabbing her bag. "Come on."

Gill woke up the same morning with a pounding headache. She hadn't had any more to drink than usual, but she had tried calling Rachel most of the night - each time the call was declined.

She forced herself out of bed and then made herself a coffee, which she took in massive sips against the nausea prevailing in her stomach. Screwing her face up at the bitter taste, she laughed at herself.

_You have more to worry about today than a shit cup of coffee, Gill Murray._

Checking her watch, she saw that it was only half 7. Perfect, perhaps she'd get a chance to speak to Rachel before work started. She'd struggled to sleep all night, worried about how the night had ended, and in fact, how well the night had gone before the drama had unfolded.

She didn't want Rachel to be angry with her - deserve it though she might, she knew she'd be absolutely devastated if the young woman had anything less than her usual respect for her. Shrugging it off, she sighed.

If she was in Rachel's position, she would be furious.

Arriving at work an hour later, she found Janet and Rachel there first. She put her game face on, lifted her chin and greeted them with the biggest smile she could possibly muster. Apart from looking a little tired, Rachel seemed okay.

"Morning, Gill," she replied. Not as upbeat as usual, but she replied and that was more than Gill had expected from her (and perhaps more than she deserved). Janet looked up with a forced smile, as though she was being civil only because she had to. Rachel and Janet were close, she remembered, and she was daft to expect the older of the pair wouldn't have been informed as regards the events of last night.

She shook her head, might as well clear the air while the office is quiet.

"Can I have a quick word, kid?"

Her eyes met Janet's, wide with whatever thought was running through her mind. Janet seemed to nod her head, and with that she was rising from her seat, heading on through to Gill's office. Heart pounding against her chest, Gill followed behind her and shut the door, ready to spill her guts.

Sitting beside her, Gill let out a sigh, "I am so sorry, Rachel. I truly am. I shouldn't have behaved like that last night and I certainly shouldn't have treated you like that either."

Rachel looked away, not crying, just uncomfortable she supposed. She shifted in her seat and found the strength to meet Gill's eyes.

"No, I'm sorry. I overreacted and I shouldn't have. I just wish you'd told me you and Chris were still together."

Gill nodded, "Not my best move, I admit. But I am sorry, Rachel."

"I didn't suspect it would work out," she said, so quietly it was barely a whisper. "You're perfect and I'm well… I'm me, aren't I?"

She took her hand, shaking her head, "No, Rachel. I'm not perfect and whatever you think about yourself, it's not true. You are not a fuckup and I am far from perfect. I was abysmal last night and I don't even know why I did it. Well I do, but it's not an excuse so-"

"He made you feel alive, I presume," Rachel spoke, defeated. "You hadn't had anything like Chris in years. I'm flakey and you didn't want to give up what you had with him until you knew what was going on between us. I know, I realized this morning."

"You won't believe me here, but I hope you do. Rachel, I'd really like to try this. Us."

She allowed her lips to turn up into a smile and then took a moment, "Not unless you end things with your toyboy. I'm not being your bit on the side."

She kept her eye on Gill, in the name of showing Gill just how serious she was being. She nodded, "I'll do it today. Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"I am sorry for last night, truly."

"I know you are. Remember, Gill, you don't need Chris Latham to make you feel alive."

And if the new fire in Gill's belly was anything to go by, and she was sure it was, she knew that Rachel Bailey was absolutely correct.

**Short and sweet... and that's a wrap. Thanks for the reviews. New story soon x**


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